Feeling lost and incapable

I've had a month of working to deadlines on my paid publishing work, and all that time I've been aching to do my own work. But of course when you think of the results and dream about what you will create, you only think of the best bits and not the bits that you have to go through to get to those best bits! I'm in that process now and finding it hard! It then compounds into every element of your life and you feel that the whole world also thinks you are incapable! not nice but necessary to move forward and through. Anyway I've started just doing, just painting from anything and putting it down into my sketchbooks really quickly, and although they seem insignificant right now they may evolve into something via the scanning process so here is a few pages put together. Also some paintings of Cy Twombly, Robert Rauschenberg and Antoni Tapies, some of my favourite artists, that I fancied doing. My brother did some paintings of his favourite writers which were great, so I've completely ripped the idea off and again not brilliant but I do like the top one, his are actually much better...anyway, by doing many you always have one that works for you, so I'm going to do more...